Dad, how can i even start to express how much i am gonna miss you, the hurt inside is so bad right now, i dont no if i can ever except the fact you were taken from me at only 63, life is so unfair, this is just wrong, you should be here with me now. I came to tell you the other day someone had hit my car, i needed you but you werent there. I tore your stamp of my letter to give you. how can life ever be the same. I used to come each morning at 9 while mum was still in bed so we could have our chat and have my porridge off papa bear, who will make it now. why is life so cruel, it wasnt your time to go, this is so hard you will never no. my tears will always flow no matter how much people tell me it will get easier. we still had so much to do together, so much you havnt seen or done, great grandkids, grandkids getting married, i wrote that back to front as we never did things right. but hope that we did you proud, we tried are very best to please you & mum, we never really did any bad things or brought the police or trouble. I gave you 3 gorgeous grandchilren who are also going to miss you badly, there was so much for you to see them do that you will never get the chance now to see. I want to wake up from this nightmare and see you sitting at home in your chair, doing your garden or sitting in your greenhouse. you were so very poorly & i know you tried hard to fight it but eventually your body was too weak, we sat and prayed by your bedside for 5 days willing for you to pull through, we never left your side. I just wish the doctors had done something to improve your immune system before it was too late. I am doing everything i can to help mum get through this terrible time, paul has sorted most of the bills for her, changed names etc. we taught her how to use the washer & dryer i know that will shock you, she is doing really well, we are all supporting her the best we can. I even mowed your lawns yesterday to tidy them up a bit as people coming to see mum, all commenting on how lovely your garden is. I am so angry at the moment & so many questions why why what if: I dont think it has really sunk in yet that your not coming back, this seems so unreal. things keep going round & round in my head. I know you dont like them but i have been for a tattoo today saying dad & a heart, a special something i can hold at all times were ever i am. please let this be a nightmare, dad i so desperatley want to just see you to speak to just 1 more time. please help to keep us strong. You can now look after baby brian & your dad. this is not our last chat or letter, just a few things to say to you to take with you forever. I am gonna miss you so much that words cant even express I love you so much & you have been an amazing dad to me, this should have never been the end. LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER AMEN xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx